Better of Alone of With Someone?

"Should I be left alone? I suppose it would be better"

Ah guess its been quite some time I haven't been writing this so I guess I would make the second post this time. Ah this time I'm in quite a dilemma. I bet usually quite number of people would be really happy to have a lot of girls or guys around them that they love. But for me, I guess its quite a problem to think about it. No, its not bad or anything but I feel like it might not be the right time yet.

You guessed it, I have been a bit of a headache for me right now. I'm not so sure if its either my fault for being who I am though. Yes it does make me happy if people did say they liked me but sometimes it was either too fast for me to answer it. For me, love isn't a game where you can just waltz around and say, "I like you" or "I love you" for fun and its bad to play around with peoples heart. I do not want to be a kind of person where for me to have love which is fake that is born trough lies just to make that person happy and loose the friendship if they knew about it.

Yes true I do want to have love in my life but for me, its not really the time yet to find it. For the time being, I just wanted to make friends with them and cared for them as a family member of my own.

Once In A Life Time Dream Perhaps?

Greetings,
I guess I could start out with something at the moment. I guess I could go on and write something about my life once in a while in here though. It might be long so I hope all you readers will read it till the end so here goes.

Yeah once in a life time dream. A dream of being loved by someone or loving that particular kind of person that you like the most. It really did happen a couple of years back when I was just around 16 or 17 years old and still immature to think about anything at that time as well. This story takes back when I was using Myspace at this time. Trying to make new friends and sometimes have fun taking to them as well, like doing Role-Plays and other things. And someday on December, I met one girl, which is a bit younger then me. Both of us become friends and talk to each other a lot as well. Day by day, and months goes by, we become close friends. I always try my very best to cheer her up when she become sad because of a family crisis and I also give her any advice that I could to help her as well.

"Guess I should let it be for now..."

After a while, I feel attached to her on that time but because I do not want to say anything about it, I just kept it into my heart and I continue to be friend with her like I always do. If I stil remember correctly, something really important to me happen on March the 15. It was at night and we are talking to each other like usual. On that time she asked me, "I'm going to ask you this question so please answer it seriously." I was wondering why she tells me to do it, so I did answer it seriously. After a while, one thing that really was unexpected that happen to me. She asked me to make her as her girlfriend. I was really shocked to hear about it at that time. But the same time I really can't say anything much and I did tell her that I did like her as well which is the truth from my heart. And because of that, she was also in shocked as well since she didn't expect me to say the same way as well. And on that time both of us become a couple.

"I will love you...Always..."

To tell the truth, I feel like I'm the happiest person alive on that time since I never have any person who liked me and she look at me not by the looks that I have but the heart that I have on that time. Its because that I cared about her that I do not want to see her cry or even sad at that time as well. We always been on each other sides not matter what happen as well. On that particular time as well, I really wish that there's still human being that care by the inside instead of the outside like is what happening these days. Both of us manage to past the bad times and the good times till one year when the first time I reach into the college world.

"Good times with each other..."

Yeah I wish that it would be like this in a couple more years to come and I guess when time comes I guess it should be going as well. Times flies by and things started to change, yes I do still give her advice about things though but when I try to at least tell her the problems that I have, she somehow tries to avoid it and talk about her problems back. On that time, the only one that I could go turn on is her but it really makes my heart break that she only cares about herself. I don't have a clue why it turn out to be like that. When there's really a limit that I can't handle anymore, I've decided to go my own way around instead and wanted her to be happy with someone else that could really take care of her much more better then me. It wasn't a nice atmosphere at that time which there's certain parts that I wanted to let my tears down.

"I musn't dwell about the past...I must move forward..."

And because of that day, I vowed myself that if I ever find a person that I cared about and loved, I would never and ever hurt that person anymore like I did before. And I never want to make her sad or cry because of what I did. All I hope now is when I do find that particular person, she would liked and cared about me like I did and not making the same mistake...Ever again.